I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
