You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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