if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Randomize
