Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
