i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
