woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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