Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
