Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
