This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
