no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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