chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
