You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
