why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
