I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
