she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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