I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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