It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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