I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
