I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
This house was built for laser tag.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
