respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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