i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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