you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
my shit smells like andre
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
