Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
