just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Randomize
