dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
