it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Randomize
