Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Randomize
