HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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