You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
