is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
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