I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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