my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Randomize