I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
