Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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