the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
