when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
there was a trapeze. enough said
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
