i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Randomize