Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
