Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize