respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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