im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
