onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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