dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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