Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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