every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
It's never too late to be topless.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Randomize
