Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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