DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
