Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I think i got beer on your cat.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
