i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
