The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
