I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I smell like Dick and happiness
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