clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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