I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
