So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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