i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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