i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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