I can text with my tongue
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Randomize
