I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize