We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize