My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Randomize
