we're chasing vodka with high fives
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
