You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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