look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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