Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
