My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
That reminds me...we need to get swords
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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