what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
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