I wanna bring you to show and tell
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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