so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
