so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
