I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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