I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
