The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
