Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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