I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Randomize
