I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize